A is for Acheive

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Lao-tuz Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

Why is the first step so daunting? Stepping is all one does all day. Step out of bed, step into the shower, step out of the door.

Maybe it is not the stepping that is the problem. Maybe it is the journey, the rather long trip- with plenty of unknowns.

Yet, there is the whole- “life is a journey” concept. This idea could be combined with the first step idea- our steps each day is a process along this thousand-mile journey.

So, what am I waiting for? Why not pick up and champion the cause? The journey is underway. I take a step and it begins...

Fear.

Fear is a basic emotion and an emotion that can get out of whack. Fear is often the reason for my procrastination even though I don't realize it. A weird thing about fear is that it seems to be invisible, meaning it can be covered-up by a very convincing smile and enthusiasm. But, when I am left to figure out why an inert force is keeping me from getting a job done- a job that in its self is joyful, I have to challenge myself to find out “what’s wrong with me?”

What am I afraid of? I can rationalize who I am, what I stand for, but how does this translate into the forward movement I am seeking? Why do these concepts of self feel disconnected from the energy that it takes to move ahead on the big journey?

Academically, the disconnect comes from an impatience that I learned early through stereotypes of smart kids (having been stereotyped as a smart kid). Things come easily to those who are smart- this I got from my parents, “You are smart, you should get this.” Exact words? Yeah, I remember clearly sitting at the kitchen table with the glaring florescent lights early in the morning going over spelling words. I should just “get it.” Being smart helps one to get it- but as for high achievement that takes time and effort. Who knew?

So, if you are smart, you don’t automatically know how a sentence should be properly focused, punctuated, and presented. My fear over this should eventually subside as I learn from my mistakes. My discomfort from being critiqued must be challenged head on and I must take “the wrath” of my critics and those esteemed professors that I graciously call mentors. What is worse, using incorrect verb tense or never stepping into the academic arena? And dealing with my embarrassment of not getting it easily may be an honest attempt to rectify the childhood messages I received about being smart and enable me to continue a journey of action that I identify more fully with, being an achiever.